on a break in Europe. all orders ship from February 2027.

we’re closed. (sort of.)

After 7 long years, we’re taking a proper break. Right now I’m sitting on a beach somewhere in Europe and I’m not coming back for a while.

Please don’t order expecting it to arrive soon. But if you still want to order and keep supporting us, we’d love that. Just know nothing ships until February 2027, so it won’t arrive in time for Christmas.

Christmas Cards

Tis the season to be... mildly unhinged. Our Christmas cards roast harder than your aunt’s overcooked turkey and deliver festive cheer with a side of judgement. Merry chaos!

244 Results

244 Results

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"I Got You a Card" Greeting Card

"I Got You a Card" Greeting Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Merry Christmas Tinsel Tits" Christmas Card

"Merry Christmas Tinsel Tits" Christmas Card

5.0 (29)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"From One Fabulous Bitch to Another" Christmas Card

"From One Fabulous Bitch to Another" Christmas Card

5.0 (2)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"I Ain't Spending Any Time On It" Christmas Card

"I Ain't Spending Any Time On It" Christmas Card

5.0 (4)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas" Christmas Card

"Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas" Christmas Card

3.5 (2)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Fuck It's Hot" Christmas Card

"Fuck It's Hot" Christmas Card

5.0 (29)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Happy Relevant Occasion" Greeting Card

"Happy Relevant Occasion" Greeting Card

5.0 (1)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You're Impossible to Shop For" Greeting Card

"You're Impossible to Shop For" Greeting Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"I Am Your Gift" Greeting Card

"I Am Your Gift" Greeting Card

5.0 (10)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Merry Cuntmas" Christmas Card

"Merry Cuntmas" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"All I Want For Christmas Is You Naked" Christmas Card

"All I Want For Christmas Is You Naked" Christmas Card

5.0 (1)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"I Bought Your Present on Temu" Greeting Card

"I Bought Your Present on Temu" Greeting Card

5.0 (2)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"A Succulent Christmas Meal" Christmas Card

"A Succulent Christmas Meal" Christmas Card

5.0 (2)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Token of My Poverty" Greeting Card

"Token of My Poverty" Greeting Card

5.0 (2)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Alexa, Search Christmas Cards For Cunts" Christmas Card

"Alexa, Search Christmas Cards For Cunts" Christmas Card

5.0 (5)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Beef Wellington is on the Menu" Christmas Card

"Beef Wellington is on the Menu" Christmas Card

5.0 (1)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Try Not To Be a Cunt This Christmas" Christmas Card

"Try Not To Be a Cunt This Christmas" Christmas Card

5.0 (3)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Ho, Ho, Homo" Christmas Card

"Ho, Ho, Homo" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Keep On Sleighing" Christmas Card

"Keep On Sleighing" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Card Because Christmas" Christmas Card

"Card Because Christmas" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"I Hope Santa Empties His Sack Under Your Tree" Christmas Card

"I Hope Santa Empties His Sack Under Your Tree" Christmas Card

5.0 (21)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You Deserve a Christmas Miracle, So Here I Am" Christmas Card

"You Deserve a Christmas Miracle, So Here I Am" Christmas Card

5.0 (2)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Merry Fucking Christmas" Christmas Card

"Merry Fucking Christmas" Christmas Card

4.9 (9)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Stop Dreaming of a White Christmas, That's Racist" Christmas Card

"Stop Dreaming of a White Christmas, That's Racist" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Won't Turn Down a Good Red" Christmas Card

"Won't Turn Down a Good Red" Christmas Card

5.0 (1)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Merry Christmas You Filthy Animal" Christmas Card

"Merry Christmas You Filthy Animal" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Merry Christmas Dickhead" Christmas Card

"Merry Christmas Dickhead" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Happy Generic, Non-Offensive, Festive Event" Christmas Card

"Happy Generic, Non-Offensive, Festive Event" Christmas Card

5.0 (10)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Where's the Statue of Little Baby Joisus?" Christmas Card

"Where's the Statue of Little Baby Joisus?" Christmas Card

5.0 (3)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You Can't Buy This at Kmart" Greeting Card

"You Can't Buy This at Kmart" Greeting Card

5.0 (1)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Vodka, Brandy, Tequila" Christmas Card

"Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Vodka, Brandy, Tequila" Christmas Card

5.0 (15)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"The Largest Font I Could Find" Christmas Card

"The Largest Font I Could Find" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Christmas? In This Economy?" Christmas Card

"Christmas? In This Economy?" Christmas Card

5.0 (1)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Santa Isn't Real" Christmas Card

"Santa Isn't Real" Christmas Card

5.0 (6)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Let's Get Festive As Fuck" Christmas Card

"Let's Get Festive As Fuck" Christmas Card

4.9 (7)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Your Present Is Still In The Mail" Christmas Card

"Your Present Is Still In The Mail" Christmas Card

5.0 (1)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Happy Birthday Jesus" Christmas Card

"Happy Birthday Jesus" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Deck the Halls With the Blood of Our Enemies" Christmas Card

"Deck the Halls With the Blood of Our Enemies" Christmas Card

4.9 (9)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"He Knows That You're a Cunt" Christmas Card

"He Knows That You're a Cunt" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Peace, Love, Joy and All That Shit" Christmas Card

"Peace, Love, Joy and All That Shit" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Sorry About the Rest of the Family" Christmas Card

"Sorry About the Rest of the Family" Christmas Card

5.0 (1)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Fuck This" Christmas Card

"It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Fuck This" Christmas Card

5.0 (17)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You Better Hope Santa Isn't Homophobic" Christmas Card

"You Better Hope Santa Isn't Homophobic" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Merry Christmas You Magnificent Bastard" Christmas Card

"Merry Christmas You Magnificent Bastard" Christmas Card

5.0 (2)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"I'll Jingle Your Bells" Christmas Card

"I'll Jingle Your Bells" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Cram Your Fat Head Into a Paper Christmas Cracker Crown" Christmas Card

"Cram Your Fat Head Into a Paper Christmas Cracker Crown" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"If You Play Mariah Carey One More Time" Christmas Card

"If You Play Mariah Carey One More Time" Christmas Card

5.0 (7)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You Better Jingle All The Way, Don't Half Ass It" Christmas Card

"You Better Jingle All The Way, Don't Half Ass It" Christmas Card

5.0 (2)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"As Per My Last Email, Merry Christmas" Christmas Card

"As Per My Last Email, Merry Christmas" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Merry Christmas (Taylor's Version)" Christmas Card

"Merry Christmas (Taylor's Version)" Christmas Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock