on a break in Europe. all orders ship from February 2027.

we’re closed. (sort of.)

After 7 long years, we’re taking a proper break. Right now I’m sitting on a beach somewhere in Europe and I’m not coming back for a while.

Please don’t order expecting it to arrive soon. But if you still want to order and keep supporting us, we’d love that. Just know nothing ships until February 2027, so it won’t arrive in time for Christmas.

Newborn Cards

73 Results

73 Results

Clear all
"Poppin' Bottles" Newborn Card

"Poppin' Bottles" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Thanks for Reminding Me About Birth Control" Newborn Card

"Thanks for Reminding Me About Birth Control" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You've Reproduced" Newborn Card

"You've Reproduced" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Baby on Board" Newborn Card

"Baby on Board" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Planning for a Pregnancy is So Last Year" Newborn Card

"Planning for a Pregnancy is So Last Year" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"How's Things Down There?" Newborn Card

"How's Things Down There?" Newborn Card

5.0 (2)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"About 10 Buns in Your Oven" Pregnancy Card

"About 10 Buns in Your Oven" Pregnancy Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Congrats on Your Little Bundle of Terror" Newborn Card

"Congrats on Your Little Bundle of Terror" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Congrats on Your New Baby, See You at 3am" Newborn Card

"Congrats on Your New Baby, See You at 3am" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Congrats on Your New Shit Machine" Newborn Card

"Congrats on Your New Shit Machine" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You're Gonna Make the Best Milf" Newborn Card

"You're Gonna Make the Best Milf" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You're Gonna Make the Best Dilf" Newborn Card

"You're Gonna Make the Best Dilf" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Contraception Was Never Your Strong Point" Newborn Card

"Contraception Was Never Your Strong Point" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Ew, You Guys Did It" Newborn Card

"Ew, You Guys Did It" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Now It's Finally Acceptable to Eat for Two" Pregnancy Card

"Now It's Finally Acceptable to Eat for Two" Pregnancy Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Are You Sure It's Not Just Gas?" Pregnancy Card

"Are You Sure It's Not Just Gas?" Pregnancy Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Thanks for Contributing to the Population Crisis" Newborn Card

"Thanks for Contributing to the Population Crisis" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You Kept It Alive For a Whole Year" Newborn Card

"You Kept It Alive For a Whole Year" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Sorry Your Baby is a Cunt" Newborn Card

"Sorry Your Baby is a Cunt" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Sorry About Your Bastard Child" Newborn Card

"Sorry About Your Bastard Child" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Straight Outta Utero" Newborn Card

"Straight Outta Utero" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Don't Have Sex. Cause You Will Get Pregnant and Die." Pregnancy Card

"Don't Have Sex. Cause You Will Get Pregnant and Die." Pregnancy Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"The Average Weekly Cost of Having a Baby" Newborn Card

"The Average Weekly Cost of Having a Baby" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Isn't Maternity Leave Just a 6 Month Holiday?" Newborn Card

"Isn't Maternity Leave Just a 6 Month Holiday?" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Congrats on Your New Skin Dog" Newborn Card

"Congrats on Your New Skin Dog" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You're IVF-ing Pregnant" Pregnancy Card

"You're IVF-ing Pregnant" Pregnancy Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"OMG, the Turkey Baster Worked!" Pregnancy Card

"OMG, the Turkey Baster Worked!" Pregnancy Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Sorry This Card Isn't a New Pelvic Floor" Newborn Card

"Sorry This Card Isn't a New Pelvic Floor" Newborn Card

5.0 (3)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"A Moment of Silence For Your Pelvic Floor" Newborn Card

"A Moment of Silence For Your Pelvic Floor" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"He's Definitely a Boy" Newborn Card

"He's Definitely a Boy" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"It's a Boy" Newborn Card

"It's a Boy" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"It's a Girl" Newborn Card

"It's a Girl" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"It's a They" Newborn Card

"It's a They" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"It's a Baby" Newborn Card

"It's a Baby" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Happy Baby Shower, You Big Slut" Pregnancy Card

"Happy Baby Shower, You Big Slut" Pregnancy Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You're Invited to My Obnoxious White Baby Shower" Pregnancy Card

"You're Invited to My Obnoxious White Baby Shower" Pregnancy Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Happy Surprise Mother's Day" Mother's Day Card

"Happy Surprise Mother's Day" Mother's Day Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"It's Your First Father's Day" Father's Day Card

"It's Your First Father's Day" Father's Day Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You're My Baby Daddy" Father's Day Card

"You're My Baby Daddy" Father's Day Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Happy Mother's Day You Big Slut" Mother's Day Card

"Happy Mother's Day You Big Slut" Mother's Day Card

5.0 (3)

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Sorry About The Stretch Marks" Mother's Day Card

"Sorry About The Stretch Marks" Mother's Day Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Happy Contraception Awareness Day" Greeting Card

"Happy Contraception Awareness Day" Greeting Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Nine Months Sober For This" Mother's Day Card

"Nine Months Sober For This" Mother's Day Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Your Present Is a Kick To The Liver" Mother's Day Card

"Your Present Is a Kick To The Liver" Mother's Day Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"You're Gonna Make a Great Grandmother" Mother's Day Card

"You're Gonna Make a Great Grandmother" Mother's Day Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Blame Your Dumb Ass on Baby Brain" Newborn Card

"Blame Your Dumb Ass on Baby Brain" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Pull Out Game: Weak" Father's Day Card

"Pull Out Game: Weak" Father's Day Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Congrats on the Baby, Your Boobs Look Great" Newborn Card

"Congrats on the Baby, Your Boobs Look Great" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Should've Kept It in Your Pants, Bro" Newborn Card

"Should've Kept It in Your Pants, Bro" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock

"Should've Closed Your Legs, Sis" Newborn Card

"Should've Closed Your Legs, Sis" Newborn Card

$3.84

$3.84

In stock